It's Friday :)

I am so glad it's Friday! I did not have a stressful week or anything...I just really love these weekends where we hang out with no real plans. Last weekend led to a beautiful walk on Nice's promenade and a climb resulting in a gorgeous view of Nice. The weather was perfect...warm (60's) and sunny, and everyone was enjoying the day, especially since Carnaval is currently going on in Nice. Carnaval is basically Nice's version of Mardi Gras. It lasts for a few weeks with lots of events, parades, and fun. Kids are continuously walking by with painted faces. Anyway, I do not have a lot of news, but I did want to share my pictures from last Saturday.

Here we have the king and queen of festivities (I don't know this for sure...we just assumed).

And these are the view from above (plus a few of us).

Skiing in the Alps

A few weekends ago we went skiing in Auron, a small ski resort town in the lower Alps, just 1.5 hours from Nice by car. I was very excited to be doing some real mountain skiing, especially Alps skiing. Here we are, ready to go.

The mountains were gorgeous, of course. Unfortunately the snow was not so great. I actually could have used some powdery Michigan snow. It had not snowed in a long time, so the snow was very hard and pretty icy in many spots. I was enjoying it anyway.

The slopes were so long compared to what I am used to, which made it pretty fun. However, I had a slight problem. I love skiing and have been skiing a few times a year on average since 5th grade. I'm not great, but I enjoy it and am not afraid of the more challenging runs. I should have rented skis, but used those of a friend instead. They were way too long for me (the same length of Olivier's), they were the old style, and I just could not cut the snow well with them. Anyway, this inability to use my edges well was not helpful on a rather steep and icy slope. Unable to slow down and slipping every time I tried resulted in the biggest fall I've ever taken in my life while skiing. Somehow I ended up sliding face first on my stomach, skis above my head (no they didn't even fall off!) for a very long time. I could not stop because it was too icy. Finally it flattened out enough for me to slow myself down and finally stop. Luckily Olivier stopped when he heard me yelling as I slid down the hill and was able to help me. It took a few minutes to get back on my feet, but finally, I was up. Other skiiers stopped and found my hat for me, which I lost a few yards back. Needless to say, I was all of a sudden quite afraid to continue. Beind halfway through the run, however, I had to finish it off. I skied back and forth, falling often from trying to slow myself down. I was so angry with myself for all of a sudden being so afraid and I couldn't understand why I seemed to have no control over myself. After my fall I was slipping all over the place. After another run or two I suggested we stop for lunch. I really just wanted to get the heck off of my skis for a while. We stopped and ate as I clumsily cut my pizza (it was not the kind that was easily eaten with hands) because of an injured thumb. As we were gearing up to get back to the slopes I thought I should tighten my boots because they felt pretty loose. Somehow (during the fall I'm guessing), they had both come undone. No wonder I had no control! They were the kind that close from the back with one clicky thing. I have no idea how it happened, but they somehow detached. The difference after that was remarkable. Duh! Finally I could control myself. I was still a little shaky from my fall and very sore, but I tried to enjoy the rest of the day, while avoiding the steepest slopes, of course.

I was glad to leave by the end of the day, but I am anxious to get back out there (with rented skis) and actually enjoy skiing a little more. I was just so sore and anxious after my fall that I wasn't really having fun. If the weather cooperates, we'll be going again this weekend. I'm hoping for better luck! I guess I can be glad that I was not badly injured, just lots of bruises and a sprained thumb.

Walks in Beausoleil

I just thought I would post a few pictures that I have taken during my many walks with Baby Charlotte. Walks keep her happy, which means that we take a lot of them! We tend to stay in Beausoleil, France, but sometimes when we are feeling adventurous, we take LOTS of steps down to Monaco.

The first is picture taken from the balcony of the family's home in Beausoleil. In the background, you can see part of Italy sticking out into the Mediterranean.

We see lots of olive trees...

These reminded me of little trumpets emerging from the stone wall.

Unfortunately we've been stuck inside most of this week because of the rain. I guess it had to happen sometime. Before this week, it only rained once since I arrived.

Settling into the Routine

Geez, time flies. I have been here for a month now and it seems so much shorter...in fact, I feel like I'll be back in the states preparing my next trip before I know it. There were days before I was working and was home alone all day when I was missing home, but now that I have a routine consisting of working all day and hanging out with Olivier for a few hours when we get home, I am feeling much more comfortable and at-home here. I talk to my parents so often on skype that it makes being far away so much easier. I even get to see my dogs via skype.

I'll be honest, I am not missing the cold at all. I do like Michigan winters for about a month because they can be beautiful, like after a fresh snowfall. After a few weeks, I'm ready for spring, so I guess it's good that I am here now and will be returning in April for a while. Sometimes I like being outside in the winter, but really, I prefer the weather here. I just hate being cold all the time. The weather here isn't warm right now, but it's comfortable...low 50's and sunny pretty much every day. I just wear a light jacket and I am good to go. Plus mountains are accessible for skiing purposes. In fact, we are going skiing this weekend, providing that our plans work out. Olivier was sick the last time we planned to go skiing.

Some good news for me is that I have my babysitting job for two extra weeks in March. That is two weeks where I would possible be job hunting without much luck. The babysitting job is really better than anything I had hoped for. It is temporary (necessary, since I'm leaving in April and July), 40 hours a week, and good pay. Plus the baby is so sweet. I get to catch up on my American tv shows (or blog) during nap time :)

I finally have all of the paperwork Olivier and I need in order to be pacsed. A PACS is basically a French civil union. This will help me get a visa, get on the national health care system, and eventually obtain residency, which will allow me to get a real job. There are several other rights that this will give us. I have to go to the local court house, show them the paperwork, and make an appointment to be pacsed. It only takes about a week to get an appointment, so hopefully we'll be pasced in just a few weeks. That will be a huge weight lifted. Gathering all of the paperwork and translations needed has been a job in itself.

That is about all that is new here. Really, I have just been settling into a normal routine. Olivier has been practicing his English a lot with me and at work. Actually, we have been watching "Friends" almost every night to help with his English...plus I love it! It makes us both laugh all the time. Olivier says it is funnier in English (sometimes a lot is lost in translation). That is all for now. Hopefully I'll be blogging again soon.

A Job for February

For the month of February, I actually have something to do other than sleep in, wander, and sit at my computer. Thank goodness. It can be nice sometimes, but I need to have things to do, places to be...to at least feel like I did something with my day. As I've said before, part of my "job" before was to find some sort of small job in order to make a little money and have something to do. I was searching without much success every day, and finally, last Friday, I ran across a posting for a childcare job for February. It was 39.5 hours a week during regular working hours, but it was in Beausoleil, France, so not within walking distance. However, there is a train and I was not in the position to be picky. So I replied with all of my information, contacts and resume, with hopes that I might get a reply.

Luckily, the mother called me that night and wanted to know all about me and wondered if I could meet the family the next day. So on Saturday, I made my way to Monaco by train and walked to their home in Beausoleil (just a 25 minute walk from the train station). I talked with the parents and met the baby girl, discussed the job, and left hoping for the best (they were meeting someone else after me). I was called back that night and asked if I could start Monday.

So here I am, sitting in a living room in Beausoleil with a view of the Mediterranean. I can even see Italy in the distance. Every morning, Olivier and I take the same train to Monaco, and then we head our separate ways after a short walk together. The train is about 25 minutes along, and it runs along the water, making for a beautiful start to the day. I spend my day with the sweetest baby girl. Her name is Charlotte, she is 3.5 months old, and she is so calm and happy. She doesn't even cry when I put her down for a nap or when she wakes up. She just rests in her crib happily. She takes two naps while I am here, so I have a lot of quiet time. She's actually sleeping right now. The parents are both wonderful, kind people. This couldn't be a better arrangement. It is only for February because their nanny is having an operation, but that works for me since I am leaving for 1.5 months in April anyway. So for now, that is my life during the week. Olivier and I both work all day and then spend our evenings together. I am looking forward to another weekend together. We don't have any plans, but it's just nice to have down time together.

When Life Gives You Oranges...

I just wanted to mention my Uncle Bob. He died this week after a battle with cancer. He was definitely a great guy and a joy to be around, always making everyone around him laugh. I loved tubing down the river with him and the rest of the Brugger family. He will be missed, but is a great example of someone who made the best out of everything. I guess you could say he made lemonade when life gave him lemons, or orange juice when he was handed a basket of oranges. We'll miss you, Uncle Bob.

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We just happen to have a lot of citrus fruits in the apartment, especially oranges. This is all in great thanks to Olivier's parents and all of their wonderful citrus trees. Without all of the preservatives, etc. contained in the oranges from the store, these oranges become bad quickly. So, what better way to use 'em up than to make a lot of orange juice. Hence, I have been getting my fair share of completely natural, hand-squeezed, full of Vitamin-C, delicious orange juice. Here is this morning's squeeze (The plastic table cover just happens to fit today's theme).

So here I am in Nice, still jobless, making orange juice. But hey, at least I have plenty of oranges. I've been small-job-hunting online, looking for any random job around here...babysitting being probably my best bet. It seems there are a lot of babysitters and tutors out there, so I just have to be patient and keep up the search. It will be much easier once I actually have the right to have a real job over here, like teaching. Until then, babysitting must suffice. If I have to be jobless, I guess it is a good time. I am getting lots of paperwork together for our civil union (I have an appointment tomorrow with someone at a US consulate office), I am sleeping in, talking over coffee with my mom via skype, discovering the neighborhood, like where to buy the best baguette, and enjoying the sun.

Nice is setting up for Carnaval, which is like France's Mardi Gras celebration. I guess it is pretty nuts, but I will definitely have to check it out at least once. I guess there are lots of families, kids all dressed up, and I'll fill you in on the rest once I know. It doesn't start for a few weeks, but it is so close to where we live, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of photo opportunities.

On a completely different note, I have been remembering my dreams a lot. Usually, I just sleep so hard and can't remember a thing. Lately, I seem to be remembering a lot of them, mostly bizarre, as dreams tend to be. I wonder what that's about. Perhaps it's a sign that our bed is hard and short and we need a new one. I think that's Thursday's task since Olivier doesn't have to work (Monaco has a holiday I guess). Anyway, that is about all that is new here. Just job-hunting, paperwork, and making orange juice.

I'll leave you with a few pictures. The first is the only one of us I've taken since being back...unfortunately, Olivier thought it would be funny to stick his tongue out, so here ya go...

The other is of the Russian church just up the road from us. One of theses days we'll check out the inside.

Adjusting to the Nice life

I guess you could say that this begins Part II of my life in France. I arrived in Nice, France exactly one week ago and am so glad to be here, finally able to get back to life with Olivier. I felt like life was on hold for those five months apart...like I was just waiting to really get our life together started. So far, I cannot complain. I guess I'll just start from the beginning (sorry I didn't post sooner...I just got internet access today...finally!).

The flight/getting here:

I must say that the journey over was not perfect, but I tried to make the best of it. I flew Detroit to Montreal to Paris to Nice. Not exactly direct, but it got me here. The long flight was rather uncomfortable as I was pretty much crammed in my seat the entire time. I sat next to a very kind French lady, but I felt bad asking to use the bathroom, etc. because she was rather large and it was a process (this is my counterexample to disprove the myth that "French women don't get fat." Not true.). Thank goodness for in-flight movies. AirFrance had some good selections. When I was in Paris, I saw previews for a French film that looked so good. I was bummed that I wouldn't be able to watch it because it wasn't in theaters until after I left for the states. It is called "L'age de Raison", which means "The Age of Reason." I was thrilled that it was one of my choices! I also watched something else I wanted to see, "Life as We Know It." Needless to say I did not sleep at all and was uncomfortable, but I did get to catch up on my movie-watching.

I arrived in Paris right on time, at 6 am. This meant over 9 hours of waiting for my flight to Nice. However, things were not so bad as a very nice Delta Airlines lady was able to get my bags to go all the way to Nice without me having to stay with them all day in Paris (this was supposed to be the case because my ticket to Nice was bought separately). Free of luggage, I made my way into Paris to do what I really needed (no, not see Paris)...take a nap. Thank goodness for great friends. I went to Crystal's, caught up with her and her mother briefly, took a shower, and spent the rest of the morning/early-afternoon catching up on some much-needed sleep. I got my booty back to the airport and finished up the journey, arriving in Nice just as the sun was setting. Not too shabby. Unfortunately Olivier had to be in Marseille until the next day for work, but his mother met me right as I left baggage claim. We drove to his parents' house, as we had yet to get our own apartment, ate dinner with his parents and sister, and basically fell into a deep sleep until around noon the next day. I was a little nervous to be staying at Olivier's parents' house without him, but they were very welcoming and it went well. I was finally able to see Oliv on Friday night...the wait was over.

Move-in:

On Saturday, Oliv and I made our way into Nice to sign on an apartment. His mother had thankfully been apartment hunting for us. We moved all of our stuff in on Sunday and decided to get to know the area a little before he left for another two days in Marseille. I had no idea how close we were to everything!

Our apartment, 14 rue Rossini:

We live on the 2nd floor (3rd floor by American counting...they have "0" floor in France as opposed to the first floor being ground level). There is a little park right across the street, called Place Mozart. We are in the Musicians Quarter and are about a 4 minute walk from the main shopping street in Nice, and just a few minutes from the promenade along the Mediterranean. It couldn't be a better location. And Olivier is happy that there tends to be several parking spaces available each night. One side of the apartment is basically windows/doors, which faces West and allows for a lot of sunlight. We have a great little terrace with a table. The apartment is smaller than what we were looking for, but it will work well for us for now. We are only planning on being in this apartment for a year. Our bedroom isn't even separate, but is actually an alcove with curtains. Haha. There are a lot of old folks living in this area, so we figure that we can work our way up as time goes on, since we really like this building. The consulate of the Netherlands is on the ground floor, as well as a few other offices. We also have a storage room in the basement, which is handy since we need a new bed and a place to store the antique we are currently using. Our apartment is already furnished, which is nice, but not really our style...it's all Louis XV, as I've been told. This means that the bed is particularly short and in my opinion, hard (If you know anything about Olivier, you know that he is very tall. He sleeps diagonally and curled up...poor boy). Anyway, the apartment is great. Here are a few photos of the apartment and the view from the terrace.

And here are some photos I took this afternoon during my walk...

Hanging out:

For now, I've been doing a lot of random things such as cleaning and organizing the apartment, buying things for the apartment, walking around, etc. Since I just got the internet up and running, I can now look for babysitting and tutoring jobs and look for activities for anglophones such as myself, in order to meet some new people. Now that I am here, I intend on keeping this updated, but if you followed last year, you know that sometimes I'm not so good at that. Bye for now.

We're moving to Nice, where it is oh so nice!

Life sure can be one crazy ride. A year ago, I had just embarked on my journey abroad...my year in Paris. Now I see that that adventure was just the beginning of an exciting, unexpected ride. Once I met Olivier and we became serious, I knew that Nice was a possibility in my future. Then as we grew closer and I planned to move to France for good, I knew that Nice was likely. However, it all is suddenly seeming so very real and I am so excited. On Friday morning, Olivier called me right after an interview for a job in Monaco. "Pack your swimsuit." Huh? I was a little confused, as I was still in a rather sleepy state. "Pack your swimsuit. I got the job. We're moving to Nice!" I was immediately so excited. And I was not in the least bit sad about not spending another cold winter in Paris. After all, it felt really nice to know that we were really going to be starting the next chapter of our life together in the place we eventually wanted to be living. Most of all, I knew that this was what he had been hoping for for so long. Later we talked about when he would be moving and starting the new job. He will probably move in mid-December, and then I arrive in mid-January. Perfect. I told him that I was excited to help him decorate his new apartment. Then he corrected me, "our apartment." I like the sound of that.

The End of One Adventure and the Beginning of Another

I am writing this blog mostly as a way to wrap up my whirl-wind year in France, and as an introduction to what lies ahead. As made evident by earlier blogs, I was very sad to leave my life in France. I could not quit picturing myself leaving with so much sadness. Well, it was sad. It was hard, but I learned that I am a lot stronger than I originally thought. I pictured my miserable self sobbing on the plane. That is not at all how it went. Thank goodness for individual tv screens and many movie/tv show choices. I made it home and was so happy to see my parents waiting in the airport.

Then I saw a surprise and I was so excited that I cried. One of my dearest friends was waiting with a camera...Miss Julie Weston (soon to be Julie Wilsey :) on October 9!).

My first few weeks home were eventful to say the least...in fact, I was hardly home at all. I was busy squeezing in visits, getting a long overdue haircut, setting up a new mobile phone account, getting everything done so that I could drive my car again, and trying to catch Olivier on Skype whenever our schedules would allow. Then after less than a week back in Cadillac, I went to Elk Rapids for a week for the Brugger family camping reunion. Thank goodness I stayed so busy...I needed it.

Then Olivier came to Michigan (and Chicago and NYC). I freaked out when he called me at 4:45 in the morning the day he was supposed to arrive in Chicago. He couldn't get on the flight because an Aer Lingus employee said he needed to "print" his ESTA number. This is a recently-required US borders thing that is required of all people from specific countries not needing visas for tourism. Anyway, he had the number "recorded" as instructed by Homeland Security. After much research, I have repeatedly verified that he was in the right. Anyway, I was freaking out because we didn't know if he would be able to come, especially with ticket prices being so expensive. By some miracle, his brother found a reasonably-priced (still expensive!) ticket and he was on a flight the next day. I am still waiting to hear back from Aer Lingus. He heard back, and they are only willing to refund his airport tax of 108 euro. Needless to say, this is NOT over yet. With one less day in Chicago, we spent one day exploring and then drove back to Michigan that evening.

Once in Michigan, we spent almost every day at a Lake Michigan beach. He loved it. I loved that he loved it. Honestly, how could one not love Lake Michigan beaches?!

While enjoying the beaches, we also enjoyed the Platte River...a few times. Olivier quickly got the hang of lounging in tubes and drinking beverages while floating down the peaceful river into Lake Michigan. I think we floated it three times that weekend. Along with my family, we had the company of long-time family friends, the Vance/Marvin family. He was able to meet one of my best friends, Brittany Marvin, and Robbie, her sweet and fun husband. We had a blast. Here we are, done with one tour of the river, and ready to start round two.

This tubing trip coincided with our annual camping trip with the Vance's/Marvin's. Olivier successfully enjoyed (so he said) a few nights of camping in a tent, and survived an intense thunderstorm.

Our time together in Michigan was wonderful. The weather was perfect everyday, we saw nature's way of bragging everywhere we went, and we thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. We were not ready to leave when it was time to go. He was actually planning his next trip over before we left for New York.

Last stop: NYC. We spent three nights in New York, enjoying our last days together for now. We started off our first evening enjoying Italian at an outside cafe in Greenwich Village. Then we walked to Times Square to take in the intensity and excitement that only Times Square can provide. We were exhausted, so we headed back to the hotel so that we would be ready for the next day. We packed in as much touristy stuff as possible that day, taking full advantage of our hop-on, hop-off bus pass. Although we did encounter some rain, most of the day was great (Yes, that IS Rupert from Hello Deli!).

We spent our last day taking it easy with a boat ride and long walk through Central Park. I desperately wanted our time to slow down, but like all things, our last evening came to an end. We spent the next morning and early afternoon relaxing. We ate at a local cafe and walked to Prospect Park, not far from our hotel. Then it was time to head to the airport. As I saw signs for La Guardia Airport, I knew it was goodbye. It was so difficult to see him pull away, but I was okay (he had to leave from JFK).

I think part of what makes this all easier is that I know that we are going to work this all out. It is not as hard as I imagined it would be. I am staying busy working and catching up with people, and I talk to him via Skype almost every day. I know that I need to be here right now. I have so much to take care of, including the mountains of paperwork required to get me back to him. I have to make money and go through all of my stuff. So for now, I am okay being here. I know that I will be back with him before long.

As of right now, I am planning on going back to France in mid-January. I decided to work as a waitress and substitute teacher until then, saving as much money as possible. I am spending the holidays here with my family, and then getting ready to head back and start my life with him. For the first year I will not be legally able to get a real job, but I will be babysitting and tutoring in order to make enough to get by (luckily my student loans are my only big expense right now). Then after that year, I can do other paperwork that will allow me the right to work. Once I have that, I will probably work as an English teacher or maybe a math teacher in a bilingual or international school. We'll see. For now, I am just doing what I can to make it work, as is he. Nobody ever said life was easy, but it sure is great. I don't know where my road will lead, but I am currently headed WAY East, with signs in francais.

The Good Stuff (Thanks Greta)

First of all, I need to mention one of my dearest friends. We've only spent a few days together here and there, but I love her and she is truly one of the most amazing people I know. I just caught up on her blog and she lifted my spirits right up. She is so strong, loving, adventurous, and incredible. Greta Weisman, thank you! Jubilee!!!!

I just posted my last blog a little over an hour ago, and I can't stop thinking about how depressing I sound. Well, I wrote it to feel better. Sometimes I feel better when I write what I'm feeling...just another form of venting I guess.

Here's what happened. I was on my way home and I was listening to my Ipod. Of course, some song came on that triggered everything, and I started crying. I cried by myself and then to get over it, I wrote a blog. Hence, it was pretty miserable. However I will not delete it. It is true, it is how I am feeling, and I can't deny how sad I am about leaving. But I am also happy. I am so comfortable here, I am with the guy I love, and he loves me too. Aside from the fact that going home means I have to leave him, at least for now, I am so excited to get home. Finally. I have missed friends, family, even Cadillac. What do I want to do when I get home?! Well, here's my list. It's not finished and I'm sure I left out a lot, but here are just a few things.

1) Hug my parents
2) Hug my dogs and throw tennis balls for them
3) See Lina, Sanna, and Lucas (Maria, Gus, and Buxton too!)
4) Go to the movie theater with my dad
5) Hang out with Lauren
6) Play Cranium and Euchre with the Lempe family and friends (Lo, you're on my team, chica)
7) Eat peanut butter chocolate ice cream
8) Eat Mexican Food at Herraduras
9) Swing with Grandpa Porter on his porch swing and learn from Pat
10) Drive up to Traverse City to have lunch with Grandpa and Grandma Brugger
11) Call Julie and Brittany and (insert a bunch of names here of my best buds) and REALLY catch up
12) Drink coffee on my porch with my mom
13) Skype Olivier
14) Go through my closet and rediscover my clothes
15) Go camping (luckily I have 2 trips planned right away!)
16) Lay on the boat
17) The list goes on and on.....

I am thankful that when I get back, my time will be completely filled with friends, family, and fun (some of my very favorite "F" words). I already have some lunches planned, I have a week-long camping trip with the Brugger family, and Olivier is coming for two weeks, arriving in Chicago on August 1st. Then it will be my birthday and Lauren has already assured me that we WILL have fun. Basically, I will be so busy having fun, that my time will fly and before I know it, fall will be here, I'll be working, and planning a trip back to France. Life is good. No, life is great.

I'm an Emotional Basketcase

Hi. I’m sorry that I haven’t blogged in ages. I can’t even explain why. I have not been exceptionally busy or anything. I guess I just have not had the desire. I had plans to run through all of the little details of summer trips, etc. However, for now, I just feel like writing about how I’m feeling.

My countdown has been in effect for several months, but I am officially leaving in a week. It is down to the wire and I am going through hundreds of emotions: happy, devastated, hopeful, love, fear, heartbreak, longing… I still haven’t figured out exactly how I am going to eventually come back to France, but I know that I will…I know that it is in my future, and that I just have to somehow work out the logistics.

Several weeks ago I wrote a poem about being in the calm before the storm. I wrote that I could see a storm approaching, I knew that it would be bad, and that eventually it would pass. The storm I am referring to is, of course, my life far from my love. It hardly seems fair, but I guess life never is. Don’t misinterpret this please. I am so excited to finally be with my family and friends, but my heart is already aching knowing how hard it is going to be for me to be away from Olivier. In my poem, the storm broke as I said goodbye on my way to the airport. It was the strongest at first, and over time, I got used to the thunder and rain. I adapted and even though it was hard, I survived. And I will. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be fine. However, instead of starting when I leave, I feel like the storm is already here. I love every moment I spend with him, but every time I think about how happy I am, I am reminded that my time with him is almost over, at least for now. I just thank God that my upcoming goodbye is just temporary and that I am not saying goodbye forever.

My emotions are completely crazy. I am so happy one moment, then crying the next. I am trying to be strong. I am doing ok. It is just hard. I don’t know how I will find the strength to leave, but I will. I can’t wait to hug my parents. I can’t wait to chat with girl friends, visit family, go camping, walk on the beaches, play ball with my dogs, and see my kids (aka Maria’s kids). This will all immensely help me. I am so lucky to have so much love in my life. Thank you all for loving me, supporting me, and just being there. I love you all. What would I do without you?

My Current Predicament

Hi everyone. All is going pretty well here. The weather is beautiful and warm. I found a babysitting job to keep me occupied and help me out monetarily until I come home. The family is a nice Australian family. They live in the suburbs of Paris in a nice house on the river. The kids are sweet and the parents are very kind.

Things are also going well with Olivier. I am just dreading leaving him behind when I come home. Thinking about saying goodbye is already hard enough. I am just hoping that I will be able to eventually come back to be with him. For now, I am doing my best to really enjoy the time I have left here. I am down to the under two month mark. Time sure does fly.

When I think about everything I have gone through this year, I realize just how emotional this year has been. It started with homesickness, then troubles with the French family, then missing my family, especially at Christmas, then the realization that I had fallen in love and would have to leave, and of course, the decision to leave the French family. As I look at all of this, the most troubling for me is still unresolved. I want to be with Olivier, but it is nearly impossible. How do you follow your heart when it means living an ocean away from your family? I have really done ok this year being far away. It was hard in the beginning, and from time to time throughout the year, but I am ok. I can manage it. I have realized that being with Olivier makes me so happy, and I feel that I need to follow my heart and see where our relationship goes. Logic has flown right out the window.

Now my struggle is figuring out how to stay here. The reality is that I need to work. I need a real job. I cannot continue babysitting for the rest of my life. It is just not enough, both financially and intellectually. I have those darn student loans hanging over me, and trust me, they will be there for a long, long time. I knew this when I started school. For me, I did not personally have a choice. I had to have an education and student loans were my way of achieving this. Enough about those darn loans. Those are just part of life. In order to live in France, I need a visa. Since I need a job, I need a work visa. I have been researching this for months now and a work visa is almost impossible for an American teacher like me to obtain. Basically, I need to find a job that will do the visa paperwork for me. They must prove that they need my skills for the job, etc... Now why would any school do this when they can easily just hire a Brit or another European? Exactly...they wouldn't. I have sent out numerous e-mails and resumes. Of the responses I received, the jobs required that I already have working papers. It is one big Catch-22. I'm stuck. So basically I am still hoping that any good karma in my life will catch up with me and throw me a miracle of a bone. Until then, I just have to wait and see.

I can't help but continually play one song in my head. It was sort of a theme song last time I left Paris, but it has become even more fitting for my current situation. John Denver's "Leaving on a Jet Plane" pretty much sums it all up. I just hope that when I go, I will be coming back. It might not be for awhile, but I can't imagine my life any other way.

I am going to spend Wednesday through Sunday with Olivier at his parents' home in Antibes. He has some vacation time and I thought it best to spend what little time I have left here enjoying our time together. I really cannot wait to be there. He left yesterday morning for Dublin for a week-end with his best friend, and I will not see him until I fly into Nice. Needless to say, I am giddy with excitement. I hope you are all doing well. I'll see you soon.

My Summer Wish

I hope that I can make the best of our time together.

I hope I can find a way to come back.

I hope I can be happy and just enjoy being with you,

Instead of being sad about not being with you.

I hope this is not our last summer together.

I hope this is our first summer together.

Bisous, cheri.

I Thought of You

The other day, I awoke early, and for some reason, had the urge to write this down.

Yesterday, when I moved to another bench to find the sun, I thought of you.

As I saw the moon peek up over the city last night, I thought of you.

As I was crying over life's difficulties, I thought of you.

This morning, in the still early hours,

As the birds' chirping brought the only sound to my ears and I slowly drank my first cup of coffee, I thought of you.

As I thought about your mother, I thought of you.

When the song came on that makes us think of us, I thought of you.

Every day, throughout the day, I think of you.

I love you, I miss you.

No matter what I do or where I am, I keep you with me.

I thought of you, Mom.

I am looking forward to our next morning coffee together.