Friday, October 31, 2008
Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, there was not a cloud in the sky, and there was a slight chill in the air that was not quite cold enough to make me put my hands in my coat pockets. In fact, today was one of the last beautiful days before it turns nasty and it's too cold outside to even appreciate beauty. I did everything I could to soak it up. I parked in an inconvenient lot and walked everywhere. With a mug of hot green tea (which was a bit disappointing because it had a flavor that reminded me of Fruity Pebbles...not exactly my favorite tea flavor) and a laid back gait, I crossed campus to class with plenty of time to spare, which made my walk even that much more enjoyable. Then after a very constructive and enjoyable teacher education class, I made my way back, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. Since I live in Michigan, I will be lucky if I feel that again before April. Then I found out that I was finally placed for my student teaching. It even freaked me out a little, but in a good, challenging way. If everything works out, I will be teaching history/social studies to a bunch of middle schoolers. Did I want that? Not exactly, but I'm willing to roll with it. I've always been more comfortable in my math abilities, but I love history. Not just kinda love, but really love. It excites me and makes me want to continually learn more. Math just isn't like that. But will I be good at teaching history? This question has nagged at me for the last two years. What do I get a Masters in: math or history? And then PhD...I know I don't want to get a PhD in math, but will I even like or be good at teaching history to a point where I would want to spend years upon years working on a degree that really won't make me much money? Who knows. At least now I don't have a choice. I have to step out of my comfort zone, and not just get my feet wet, but jump right in, especially since I'll be dealing with middle schoolers...eek! Life is not about taking the easy route. To really get the most out if it, you have to push yourself and face your fears. After pondering endless days full of middle school history classes, I decided that maybe it just might be a lot of fun. Middle schoolers may have the out-of-control hormones and all sorts of crazy, but I bet I'll never get bored. I'll have all sorts of things to blog about...that is if I even have time. Here's to a wonderful, beautiful, sun-filled day and a challenge that will hopefully help me get a better idea of what I really want to do with my life. Now I have to get to my history book. I have a lot of reading...I mean skimming...to do. Bon nuit!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with another single gal about my love life, or lack thereof. I explained to her that I have not even had a "potential" in my life for the longest time. Why is it that a girl like me is still single? I truly do not even want a relationship. My life is way too busy right now. Is that why I'm single? Her and I thought about it. Maybe our love of the single life and complete lack of interest in most males (not all, we are human ;) ) has kept us right where we claim we want to be. The only time being single, up to this point in my life, is really a problem is wedding season. The excitement, the flowers, the dresses, the invitation....oh wait!...me plus 1! SHIT! This is always a problem. The big question no longer is about the hair, the shoes, the gift, but rather the date. Who can I ask? I can't ask him because that would be awkward; I can't ask him because he might get the wrong idea; I can't ask him because he might say no... The result is single me plus 1 of my best gal pals. And life goes on as normal. But still in the back of my mind, I wonder why does it never work out?
And then JINX! That conversation totally and utterly jinxed my ass. Now I am in a position that I do not like at all. Where is that single girl that can't find a date and has nobody knocking on her door/calling her cell phone? She was happy with that life, regardless of her complaining/wondering. What do you do when when of your friends likes you, but you do not even have one iota of feeling for him beyond just friends? That line between friends and more than friends is a damn thin line if you ask me. He knows that I know. How do I say, "sorry, I'm just not that into you." It seems a little harsh. And after that, will we still be friends? Fat chance...we won't be friends like we were before all of this stuff entered the equation. In math, you can't just throw stuff onto one side of the equation and nothing on the other. It changes the whole value of the equation. He threw his lust out there, but my side has not changed. This leads to a problem in the math world and in mine. Hmmm...maybe I'll be able to get one of my friends to tell him that it's never going to happen like we all liked to do in middle school...or was that 5th grade? Anyway, for now I am still a single girl holding out for my true love, who I am sure is just waiting for me in Paris.